You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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