Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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