Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
