The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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