Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so explain again why im purple
no
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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