This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
