you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
