drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They took my balls.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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