i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
