my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
