Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
