remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
