On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
