the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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