So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
