Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
