I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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