I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
