Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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