I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
