Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just pee around me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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