I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize