Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
