The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
