True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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