no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
