Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
