just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
