4 words: hood of his car
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
