It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
