she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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