I faked an abortion last night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
