she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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