so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
