My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
