i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
