Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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