My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When are your genitals available?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
