Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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