C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize