He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
