it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
