So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
