Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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