So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
