My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
