I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
