God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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