Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
