Soap is not a condiment
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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