is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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