found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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