Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
