why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
40s are totally the cure
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
