I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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