I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize