My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So squirting runs in the family.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
