the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
