i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
