Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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