and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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