Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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