I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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