I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize