I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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