my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
