Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
