the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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