Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
