Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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