I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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