i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
